21/07/2005 - Baltimore, Maryland

Folks, I'm not feeling well today and that coupled with the recent news that UPN is forcing WWE to take Mo's character off SD makes Cherry an unhappy chica.

First match. Rey Mysterio vs Super Crazy w/Mexicool. Eddie Guerrero joins Michael Cole and Tazz at the announcer's table. Blah blah blah I'm doing this for Rey's own good it's discipline because I love him. Eddie eventually interferes in the match and whacks Rey with a rake or some other garden implement, causing Super Crazy to take the DQ.

Backstage, Teddy Long approaches Eddie, who says he's headed to the parking lot to leave the areana, since he's done what he came to do this evening. Oh no, Mr. Guerrero, you still have work to do. Long informs Eddie he has a match tonight and his opponent? It's a secret, playa.

Also backstage, Josh Matthews interviews my hero, Christian. We are shown the footage of CC giving Booker T the unprettier, which makes Christian giggle like a schoolgirl. He keeps calling Josh Seacrest. Heee. All in all, Mr. Charisma is adorable and funny and I am in full adoration mode.

Also also backstage, Animal is putting on his makeup. Heidenreich joins him and reads a poem. Animal says Reich is a lot more like Hawk than he thought. Dear WWE: Stop trying to make me cry. Thanks, Cherry.

Animal & Heidenreich vs two jobbers who are given no introduction, but through the magic of the Internet, I learn are actually Julio Dinero & Nick Berk. This is a really fast match. How fast? It was over before I finished typing the first sentence. Animal and Reich are your winners, naturally. Backstage, MNM and Melina are watching on a monitor. One day, I promise I'll learn MNM's actual names. Today, however, is not that day.

Eddie Guerrero vs Chris Benoit. Eddie hightails it out of the ring, but Chris grabs a mic and convinces Guerrero to join him. Benoit wants to know what's going on. Chris doesn't get much further until Eddie hits him in the face with a right and the match is officially underway. It's seems a lot longer than it actually is, for reasons I can't explain, but it just does. Especially since Eddie ends up walking away from the match, allowing Benoit to win by count-out. Rey attacks Eddie as he's walking up the ramp and the two are pulled apart by security.

Candice heads to the ring, in a glorified cheerleader outfit. She announces that the GAB will be available on the Armed Forces Network. Before she can get much further, Melina interrupts. You know, I wish to dub Melina, in the spirit of JLo, MHo. Melina has just learned that Candice will be the special guest referee for her match against Torrie Wilson at the GAB and is less than impressed. She attacks Candice, prompting Torrie to run to the ring for the save. She tosses MHo out of the ring and then helps Candice do her GoDaddy dance, which is still the stupidest thing ever.

Booker T w/Sharmell vs Simon Dean. Damn. I forgot he was on SD. He insults Sharmell, which just isn't smart, and off they go. But not for long. Booker T wins via pinfall and then grabs a mic to run down my man Christian.

At this time, we get a video recap of the Guerrero/Reyrey feud. Dear WWE: This storyline has been furthered twice already this evening. STOP SHOVING A BORING, DRAWN OUT ANGLE DOWN MY THROAT. Thanks, Cherry.

Orlando Jordan heads out to the ring and holy hell what is up with his hair? He introduces JBL, who is apparently going to give us a victory speech a week before the alleged victory actually takes place. It would be prudent to point out that we're in Batista country. Blah blah blah America needs me I'm the best American ever. Y'all can have him, as far as I'm concerned, cause I lost my interest in JBL when he stopped being just Bradshaw. He stars running down Dave, unveiling his own SD Magazine cover, showing JBL victorious over Batista, and I think we all know how this is going to end. Cue Dave, who's dressed to fight. JBL and Orlando are unhappy with the Champ's arrival, but Dave's cool and asks JBL if he knows how ridiculous he looks. Hey, folks, Batista's kind of pissed. He calls JBL a liar, a loudmouth, a bully and a phony. You go, Dave. This Sunday at GAB, he's going to expose Leyfield's bullshit (Batista's words, not mine!). Things get physical, with Dave giving Orlando a Batista bomb, while JBL runs for cover. Batista dons JBL's American flag vest and hat and celebrates in the ring. Fade to black...

And that's that, folks.